Trim Your Own Bangs in 7 Easy Steps

WARNING: Blurry, grainy selfies abound in this post, but I feel like they're well-justified!

I'm nothing if not an avid self-bangs-trimmer. Notice the use of the word "avid" and not "expert." As my older sister, Claire, mentioned on her blog, we have a history of taking the bangs situation into our own hands. Every time our bangs get shorter, my mother's lifespan follows suit. The poor woman. She would be happier if we had no bangs at all, but I am here to say that I've been there, done that, and I looked straight up WEIRD: (see, Mom?)

Sheesh. I barely look human. That could be the
pallor from the malnutrition though.

Anyway, I know it's more fashion forward not to have bangs, but it's just not in the cards for me.

Like any self-respecting daughter, the more my mom pressures me to do something I don't want to do, the more I want to do exactly the opposite. And the opposite of anything my mom wants me to do is always trimming my own blunt bangs.

The optimal time to trim your bangs is when many of the important people in your life are either gone or too busy to hang out with you (you all know who you are!). That way if things go awry, you've got a couple weeks for your hair to grow back before anyone sees you. So without further ado, I give you:

How to Trim Your Own Bangs

Step 1: Prepare yourself

Things are about to get real.

By this I mean not only prepare your hair by pulling back whatever you don't want chopped, but I also mean prepare yourself emotionally and mentally. You're about to employ an enormous amount of self-control and you're also about to ride an emotional, hairy rollercoaster.

Step 2: Go crazy

Make sure Netflix is playing in the background

Hold back, but don't hold back, you know? Have fun. That's what trimming your own bangs is all about. And if life has taught me anything, it's that you need to keep those scissors vertical, ladies!

Step 3: Call upon the gods of self-control

STOP NOW

When your bangs are short enough for you to see clearly, it's time to STOP YOURSELF. The ends of your hair should be uncomfortably poking you in the eyes. Now you have the freedom to use your straightener to get them to lay correctly and trim your bangs evenly.

Step 4: Panic

Stressssssss

This is a necessary step. For me it went like this: 1) What if I look hideous? 2) My roommate is a hair stylist. Maybe I should've paid her to do this for me. 3) My mom is coming to visit soon, and there's no hiding!
Before you can move on to step 5, however, you have to get over it. You're going to look great! You always do when you trim your bangs yourself, right?

Step 5: Style dem bangs

Try your best to look okay. Put on some lipstick and act like you actually intended to turn out like the woman from the Clue movie. Own those uneven ends. That's all you can really do now. It's too late, your tears won't help your hair grow back.

Push those blunt bangs out of your eyes and breathe a sigh of relief that they can still double as side bangs:

Life hack: Robe

Step 6: Shower

Baggy t-shirts are an appropriate robe substitute

This is where I actually listen to my mom's advice: "Take a shower, you'll feel better." It's her advice for everything. If you don't wrap your hair in a turban afterwards, you're not really doing it right.

Step 7: Get used to your new bangs

Bangs bangs into the roooooom - I've been waiting
this whole post to make that joke

After some very long and offensive reaction texts, my mom admitted, "I'm sorry, I am just stressed out and only had 3 hours of sleep and it was just a shock. I don't like to be surprised by hair." She'll come around.

Once you shower and fix your hair and figure out what the heck to do with it, you'll like your new 'do much better. And whatever happens, remember that it's important that you NEVER admit defeat. That would be exactly what your mom wants you to do.